Loving a Friend Questioning Their Sexual Identity
How do I love my sexually-confused friend? Love is love, right?
In a world where personal identity and confusion around sexuality often dominate headlines, how can Christians speak into these topics with both truth and grace?
Senior Pastor David Rose helps us navigate the noise to see God’s good and beautiful intention for how we live, relate, and love. He offers Gospel hope for those in the thick of the struggle, and biblical wisdom for all who want to remain faithful to Christ in a confused culture.
Some among us are personally wrestling with these questions. Others are walking alongside friends or family in the middle of it. Still others are simply trying to make sense of how God’s truth applies today. Wherever you find yourself, this message brings a clear and compassionate roadmap. Jesus never shied away from hard conversations—He stepped into them with both grace and truth, and He showed us how to offer real love—the kind that doesn’t just soothe, but sets people free.
Key Takeaways
- God defines sexuality and marriage.
- He created man and woman distinctly.
- He calls for marriage to have a: personal commitment and public ceremony
- Physical connection
- He uses marriage for His Kingdom purposes.
- God defines love.
- God calls us to love others and turn from sin. (John 4:39-42; 8:2-11)
Further Study
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What does it say about God’s heart that Jesus consistently moved toward people who were confused, hurting, or rejected—even when their struggles were moral or deeply personal? In Luke 5:31–32, Jesus made it clear that He came not for the healthy, but for the sick, for those who knew they needed help. His interactions with the woman at the well in John 4 and the woman who anointed His feet in Luke 7 show us that He met people in their mess with compassion and called them to something better. What does that tell you about how God sees people in the middle of their struggle?
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When it comes to defining love, whose definition are you using—culture’s or God’s? Read 1 John 4:7–10, Romans 5:8, and John 13:34 and jot down what God has to say about love. How does this definition of love challenge what we often hear about love in our world today?
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Jeremiah 17:9 warns us that the heart is deceptive, and yet it’s the very thing our culture tells us to trust above all else. But Colossians 3:3 says our real life is “hidden with Christ in God,” and Galatians 2:20 reminds us that we’ve been crucified with Christ, so that His life defines us now. Why do you think it’s tempting to believe our deepest identity is found in our feelings or desires? How does the Gospel offer a more secure and freeing foundation for who we are?
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Think about a time you were told a hard truth in love. How did that impact you compared to someone just calling you out harshly? Take a minute to read through Ephesians 4:15, Proverbs 27:6, and John 1:14. What would it look like to speak this way into someone’s life, especially when the topic is deeply personal?
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How do you respond when someone you love believes something that goes against Scripture? 2 Timothy 2:24–25 urges us to be kind, patient, and gentle when correcting others, and Galatians 6:1 calls us to restore someone gently, watching our own hearts too. James 1:19–20 reminds us to be quick to listen and slow to speak. What does this look like in real life when the issue is close to your heart?
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We all have desires, but the Bible never tells us to follow them blindly.Romans 6:16–23 says we’re either slaves to sin or to righteousness, and James 1:14–15 shows how desires can grow into sin and eventually bring death. But Titus 2:11–12 tells us that God’s grace teaches us to say “no” to ungodly passions. Can you think of times when following your desires led to freedom—and times when it led to pain?
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“Be true to yourself” is a cultural mantra—but what if your “self” is broken by sin? Matthew 16:25 says that whoever loses their life for Jesus’s sake will actually find it. In 2 Corinthians 5:17, we’re told that anyone in Christ is a new creation. And Ezekiel 36:26 promises a new heart from God. What does that say about real transformation—and where true identity comes from?
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What kind of community does the church need to be for people wrestling with identity, attraction, or belonging? Romans 15:7 calls us to welcome one another as Christ welcomed us. Galatians 6:2 tells us to bear one another’s burdens, and Hebrews 10:24–25 urges us not to give up meeting together but to encourage each other. How can the church be both a place of truth and a place of grace?
The Gospel
If you have questions about what it means to be a Christian, we would love to talk with you about it.
Reach outGod made us with care and intention, male and female in His image, designed to reflect His glory (Genesis 2). But just like Adam and Eve, every one of us has turned away from that design. We’ve tried to define love, identity, and purpose on our own terms. As Pastor David put it, “Sin is selfish… Sin blinds… It can be very seductive and extremely fulfilling in the moment.” That kind of rebellion doesn’t lead to freedom—it leads to confusion, shame, and distance from the God who made us.
But here’s the good news: God didn’t leave us there. In His faithful, truth-loving, burden-bearing kind of love (1 Corinthians 13), He sent Jesus to rescue us. Jesus never married, never had a sexual partner, and yet lived the fullest, most meaningful life imaginable. His identity was rooted completely in the Father’s will—and through His perfect life, His death in our place, and His resurrection, He opened the door for us to be made whole.
Look at how He treated people who were broken and tangled up in sin. With the woman at the well and the woman caught in adultery, He didn’t look away in disgust. He didn’t just affirm them either. He met them with grace and truth—calling them to a new life and giving them a new name.
That’s what He offers to us, too.
In Jesus, we find a better identity—one that isn’t based on how we feel or what we’ve done, but on who He is and what He’s done for us. Through faith in Him, we receive forgiveness and the power to live according to God’s design—not to earn love, but because we already have it.
The Gospel sets us free from trying to discover ourselves through our desires or relationships. It gives us a new name in Christ, a new family in the church, and a new mission—to tell the world His story. This is the kind of transformation only God can bring: real love, true identity, lasting purpose.
So the invitation is simple: stop chasing fulfillment in things that won’t last. Trust in Christ. Surrender to Him—not as your life coach, but as your King. And in doing so, you’ll find a joy and peace that no feeling, relationship, or achievement could ever offer.